Archive for the ‘Family Law’ Category

We are all extremely emotive when it comes to abuse, physical or sexual, but how many know that Hostile Aggressive Parenting or HAP is a serious form of child maltreatment and abuse, encountered in most high conflict child-custody disputes and often used as a tool to align the child with one parent during litigation.

A parent suffering from HAP will do their best to interfere with the relationship of a child with another person, usually the other parent or guardian. Such interference could include but is not be limited to using an older sibling to control the child, guilting the child into submission, not allowing telephone, email or any other communication between the child and the other person.
Although Hostile-Aggressive Parenting is often confused with Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), HAP and PAS are not the same. HAP refers to the behaviours, actions and decisions of a person, whereas, PAS relates to the psychological condition of the child. HAP is often the cause of PAS.
HAP is most often identified in individuals with controlling and bullying personalities or those with mild to severe personality disorders and can be a factor in all types of parenting arrangements. It is sole custodial parents who are most often reported to practice Hostile-Aggressive-Parenting, especially in its most severe form.
In general, parents exhibiting Hostile-Aggressive-Parenting have not succeeded in getting on with their own life and remain, instead, controlled by their negative emotions and continue to exercise power and control over their ex-spouse’s life, their ex-spouse’s parenting and to a large extent, over the children of the relationship as well. HAP parents will blame everyone else except themselves. HAP parents just don’t have any insight they just don’t get it. And they will normally stop at nothing to achieve their goal of alienating the child from the other parent justifying their actions with “the end justifies the means”.

High degrees of conflict during custody settlements and litigation are almost sure signs of HAP in these affected families. Hostile-aggressive parents are unable to appreciate the needs of their child and in many cases view their child as a possession belonging to them and no other persons have any right to the child, especially not the child’s other parent or other persons that the HAP parent does not like. Hostile-aggressive parents will use the child as a weapon against the other spouse and family members whenever they have the opportunity. A parent engaged in Hostile-Aggressive Parenting will also take comfort in that the community in general will choose not to get involved, probably because they don’t know what to do. Angry and vindictive HAP parents are often able to bring a reign of terror and revenge on to a non-custodial parent and their family, their goal being to get them out of the child’s life or at the very least to severely damage their child’s relationship with the other parent and other parent’s family.

“LITTLE CHILDREN COME UNTO ME”

Children should be seen and not hurt

AT LONG LAST – THE CHILDREN’S ACT COMES TO FRUITION – SO NOW WE HAVE TO EDUCATE OURSELVES TO USE THIS LONG-AWAITED LIFE SAVER.

Children should be seen and not heard – that is the way things used to be, but times have changed drastically, and so have the rights of both women and children.

When South Africa became a true democracy in 1994, the stifling Apartheid Regime changed overnight, changing the face of South Africa for once and for all time. We have become the Rainbow Nation in every sense of the word, enforcing the rights of all people, especially those of our young ones.

Children have become pawns and barter fodder in so may divorced and single parent households, muffling and silencing the pleas and voices of children through threats and bribery. With so many youngsters being  placed in unfair and unhappy situations, often than not, being placed in the care of the person who is not always the responsible parent in the relationship, who is often than not the least  equipped to take good care of the child.

It is often the case that grandparents are good options, and children are more often than not, denied having interaction with grandparents when parents get divorced, which is really quite sad.

Non- custodial parents often found that fighting for visitation and custody too costly at high court level, but this has now changed. In the past, parents had to approach the High Court on all matters pertaining to access and custody to their children , which was often too costly to pursue, making the non-custodial parent, embittered, giving up the battle to see his or her children; all this has now changed.  With the Children’s Act in place a butterfly has emerged from a chrysalis.

The matter can be taken to the Children’s Court at the local magistrate’s court, should the parent choose not to use the services of a lawyer. The cost? This is a free service available to all – regardless of colour or creed, age or sex.

After 13 years of fighting to get this act passed, the new Children’s Act is fully enforceable, giving single parents – both mothers and fathers, step parents, grandmothers and grandfathers – rights and reasonable contact to the child or children (the new term being access) – but best of all – the silenced voices of little children are no longer muffled but heard loud and clear.